


starheart

by svnkissed



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gentle Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Choi Beomgyu, My First Work in This Fandom, Other, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Soft Choi Soobin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnkissed/pseuds/svnkissed
Summary: yeonjun was the star of soobin's heart, but he didn't know.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun & Kang Taehyun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 72





	starheart

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to magic island repeatedly for this. 
> 
> also, my first work in a while! not mlbb related now lol, it's in wattpad skskjdksmsmsm 
> 
> rated T cause:  
> -yeonjun swearing (and taehyun saying the s-word)  
> -mentions of past domestic violence, abuse, relationship, and torture  
> -mention of soju bottles
> 
> also, not beta read. we die like men.

it's been a long time since i've actually fell for someone. well, not until i met him, anyway.   
  


_choi soobin._

  
i didn't know how it started. maybe when i first heard him sing? maybe when he first smiled at me and introduced himself when i just joined the agency? it's been a long time, so long that i don't even _remember_ what the reason was. all i remembered was good memories and how we endured our hardships together.

but you get the gist of it, right? if you don't, basically, 

**_i loved him ever since i first saw him._ **

i've been in this situation before, where i fell for someone who i shouldn't have fallen for. damn, choi yeonjun, why don't you get your feelings right? i promised myself that i wouldn't fall for someone after * _that_ * incident. it let me become induratized, and i promised just to love my members, my family, and me.

i desperately want to tell soobin everything. fuck, even my heart can't handle all the emotions i feel about that big bunny. it's too overwhelming, maybe a little more overwhelming than the fact that i love a guy. a guy who's been my friend and is currently my bandmate in the same agency under bts. it sounds fake, but it's true. 

i sat in contemplative silence in the dance practice room, all alone, with the lights dimmed. i told the members that i would relax a little bit before going back to the dorm. i laid down on the cold floor, breathing softly, thinking of soobin's sugary smile and the way he laughs. god, i could wake up to that voice everyday. i thought of how soobin's soft voice would make everything feel better, even if it's just for a little bit. sometimes, when i watch the ‘nap of a star’, i wished that the angel was soobin instead.

my thoughts got interrupted when the door opened, revealing it to be taehyun, the only member with actual braincells in his head. he was all dressed up, ready to go home with all of his stuff. he wa probably checking of he forgot anything, and he's obviously confused about me still being here, and immediately went in and closed the door behind him, putting his bags by the corner and he went to sit by me. silence could really speak volumes, huh?

“shouldn't you go home now, hyung?” he asked, his voice hoarse from all the singing he did. i felt bad, imagining what would happen if soobin's throat gets hoarse— 

_no, yeonjun, you better focus on talking with taehyun right now._

i just chuckled dryly, putting my arm over my eyes to cover them. “nah, i'm too tired to go back for now. the practices we did today made me so sore and worn out.” 

i felt taehyun's naturally wide eyes looking at me like i'm the dumbest hyung he's ever seen. but that's kinda true, right? i have to ask for my dongsaeng for love advice, when _clearly_ , i had someone before and i knew what to do. but that was just a fling and i chose to forget about it. i buried it deep in my mind that i couldn't even remember the name of that horrible person. 

he sighed and i felt a little rustle, indicating that he leaned on the wall behind him. he removes the arm on my eyes and forced me to look at him. 

“it's about soobin hyung, isn't it?” 

i widen my eyes, “how the fuck did you know that?” i tried to hide this secret for years, and how in the goddamn hell did _taehyun_ , of all people, would manage to figure it out before i did? but, this is taehyun we're talking about. it's better than having soobin figuring out that i love him. _at least i won't have to suffer that much, right?_

he smirks as he fixes his messy brown hair before he starts to speak. 

“well, it's kinda obvious, to me anyways,” he said, making a gesture that was similar to pointing at himself, “i've noticed how you look at soobin hyung. i could see adoration in them. like, titanic-type infatuation, but much better.” he chuckles. 

i blushed madly. well shit, taehyun really _does_ have a good eye. this is why he's a ravenclaw. it's so obvious. 

“w-well, you aren't wrong,” i began, sitting beside him and sighing, closing my eyes. “the thing is, would soobin even consider me as someone he'd be romantically involved with? would he be okay with it? cause, i haven't even told him that i'm gay and i'm gay for him.” 

he pats my shoulder reassuringly, smiling softly. he had a soft spot for people like this, i could tell, since he's recently helped kai go through something similar with a guy outside our group. in all seriousness, he could be someone so similar to eros, but not in a sexual way. hell no. he's a minor, we won't accept it in this household. 

“well, i did go through that, too,” he says, looking thoughtful, “i had a crush on beomgyu hyung, you see. like you, i've never felt this way before, since for me, it was slightly different. you were in this situation before, but i haven't had anything like that before. i realized that i loved him, when he just..was so nice to me. he stayed by me when i needed him, and slowly but surely, i fell.” he smiled fondly and shyly, since he's never talked about beomgyu in that light before. he took a deep breath before continuing, 

“i was wondering how would i tell him that i love him, that i just wanna be his. i considered a few options, and i settled on the option that is obvious for me: just tell him when you two are alone. i did so, and it went surprisingly okay, and now..well, history is made.” 

i could tell that he was so shy telling that whole story to me, since i was probably the last person on his list to talk about he and beomgyu's love life. i just smiled. ah, young love. 

“well, first off, the way you confessed is very on-brand for kang taehyun—” i started, and we both laughed and smiled. he's the type to not beat around the bush. i wish i could be brave like him. 

“yes, yes it is,” he commented, before letting me speak as our laughter died down. “but am i just overthinking it? like, i don't know. i've been getting stressed on this than on our comeback..” we both let out soft chuckles. that statement was truer than both of us would've admitted. 

silenced overcame us as taehyun thought about what to say, and he hums as he —apparently— got the answer to my question. 

“for all i know, soobin would definitely consider you as a boyfriend. he's closeted for a while now, and the members know that. basically, we all are gay; even _soobin's_ gay for god's sakes. you two are practically made for each other.”

my unasked question hanged up in the air: 

_why me? why not someone else?_

“for one thing, i know that he adores you. you've helped him go through all the shit that came up so suddenly, and his reaction to you when you had back pains? yes, it solidifies the fact that he loves you. throughout the days that you were gone, hyung, he constantly worries about you. he would ask things like “what's yeonjun hyung doing right now?” or “should we go visit yeonjun hyung?”. he was especially nervous during the first time we won the best rookie award.” 

he paused to breathe. and i did, too. it is still one of my biggest regrets _ever_.

“he was scared that he wasn't with you. he was scared to perform up there, since he couldn't feel your presence. we all felt what soobin hyung felt, but his was so strong. he was distressed that he couldn't focus. i think he's worrying not because of the fact that he's the leader and definitely wants you to recover, but as someone so dear to him.” 

i felt my breath caught short as the sentence ended. soobin worrying for me? i try to imagine what soobin would've been going through without me. _without. me._ it made my heart sting a lot. 

speaking of hearts, mine broke because of the fact, and i tried to suppress the tears threatening to fall off of my eyes every second. i looked at taehyun. i've found my answer to the question i've been waiting to answer. and i think he understood what i meant when i looked at him. 

he simply smiled and hugged me briefly, patting my back. “good luck, hyung. me and beomie hyung are cheering for you.” he winks and i blushed hard. i almost threw my water bottle at him as he left me in the practice room. 

that talk? it changed me. i'd better treat taehyun after this. 

  
♡

it's been a three days since the talk with taehyun. i had to give it some thought of course, since i'm confessing to a long-time crush of mine. it made me more into a nervous wreck when i already am, and the worst part?

soobin noticed.

he wasn't supposed to. even if all my other plans are shit, this is the one rule that i need to abide by: _do not let soobin notice that you are going through this_.

i might've looked more stressed than usual, since i basically looked like a mess; my hair was all over the place, i couldn't get enough sleep, and the fact that i keep running late to go at the studio. he approached me as i was just done getting changed to the extra clothes i brought, and he surprised me.

“hyung, are you okay?” he asked softly, and i swear, my heart leapt up to my throat. i flinched slightly while i fixed my cardigan and i turned to him. he looked worried, and i apologized to him mentally for causing him worry.

“u-uh, yeah, i'm okay. hyung's always okay, right?”

... _riiight._

he frowns and took my wrist, and i looked up to his beautiful doe eyes that sees right through my lies. the leader knows best, don't they?

“there's clearly something wrong, hyung..please, can you at least tell me what's going on? i wanna help,” he pleaded, whispering if there's anyone nearby, some staff member or maybe someone else. i looked away and made him let go of my wrist. i walked away without a word.

i wasn't ready. 

♡

i snuck out of the dorm that night, going to the rooftop with just two bottles of soju. i wanted some time alone with me, the bottles, and the sky. the rooftop has provided me with some sort of comfort that nobody has really given me. i sat by a corner and popped a bottle open, taking a sip. good thing this type of soju is a fruit-flavored one, since i don't want to look even more miserable than i already am. it made me feel kinda better. a smoke would be nice, but no. i won't and will never do that.

i sigh as i looked up to the stars, wondering what it would be like to live amongst them, to be far from everyone but can still be seen. isolated, but with company. beautiful, but unreachable. for a moment, i felt jealous of them.

i heard footsteps on the stairs below me. obviously, it could be anyone. but it can't be anyone, unless soobin couldn't sleep.

i looked at the figure a few meters away from me and i let my eyes fall into the bottle at my hands as i drink a little more, letting soobin approach me and sit beside me.

“hyung, what are you doing here this late? you know anyone could see you right now..” soobin said in that soft voice. i would never get tired of it. i risked looking at him with pain in my heart.

“trying to be okay.”

he looks back at me, nodding slightly. _tell me, hyung. it's okay._

i took deep breaths, letting go of the bottle as i try to collect myself. the pain of being in love feels so painful, but _so good_ at the same time, because you're experiencing something that makes you human.

“way back when i joined bighit, i had a girlfriend,” i said, my voice dropping into a deep, trembling whisper. i heard soobin gasp, but he went closer after a moment and took the bottles far from me, and made me look at him. _go on, hyung. it's okay._

“her name was jiyeon. back then, i thought that i've found the best person in my life, the one i thought was the person who was my angel. she was always there for me, and i always met up with her after practice and before i go to the studio. you might've seen her before, soobin-ah, and i'm not surprised to see that you don't know her,” i explained, smiling sadly, letting the tears hold on for a little longer. not now. i stopped to breathe, calming myself of the memories that killed the me that was once so naïve and innocent.

it went on for a minute.

soobin held my hands and squeezed them tightly. it was his way of making me calmer, as he's been in times that i'm like this.

“what happened?” he asked softly, bringing my hands a little closer. i let out a shaky breath that i didn't know i held.

“i discovered that she was cheating on me with someone else. s-she..she told me that i was too boring to be with. that i was too perfect to be real,” i chuckled slightly at that, “but really, she wasn't cheating on me. she was cheating on _him_. her boyfriend told me that she might have been using me just to make him feel jealous that her “boyfriend” is the top 1 trainee that houses bts. he told me of all the things she did to him.”

i stopped, breathing, and i finally looked up at soobin, who was looking at me with sympathy, and he was smiling sadly, whispering “go on, hyung. it's okay.”

i smiled slightly at that and i continued.

“she was abusing him. she was forcing him to do all the things he doesn't want to do, and every time she leaves after we meet up, she drinks and smashes bottled at the floor and makes him clean it up. he's been mistreated for so long and the one happy thing about this mess is that he didn't become like her. we still keep in contact, and he's planning to propose to his current girlfriend.”

his smile brightens, “that's nice. i'm glad both of you moved past that.” i nodded in agreement, but i looked away.

“there..was one thing i realized after that..” i took a deep breath, “i began to fall in love again. i was in love with someone else. a guy..” i muttered the last part, and soobin intertwined our hands together and squeezed it again.

“care to tell me about him, yeonjunie hyung?” he asked, giggling softly, making me giggle, too, and i blinked away my tears, sniffling.

“he..how can i explain this? he keeps me safe and happy at all times, and i love being with him. he's someone close to my heart, and he's the reason why my heart beats so..so erratically. i could melt whenever i see him smile and laugh, cause he's an angel.”

i start sobbing before i could even say the words i was supposed to say. soobin immediately let go of our hands and held me, rocking me slightly as he kissed my forehead.

he starts to whisper against my hair, “hyungie, hush..it's okay. i'm here. soobinie's here with you.” i chuckle as i cried, holding on to him.

“i-i love him,” i managed to get out, “i loved him for a long, long time..i want to tell him, but i'm scared, soobin-ah. i-i'm so fucking _scared_ , so scared that he might disappear after i told him what i feel for him, that i might not be able to hold onto him again..”

i continued sobbing for a long time as soobin hums ‘magic island’, rubbing my back to comfort me. i love being in this angel's arms. he makes me warm and loved.

“you need to tell him, yeonjun hyung,” he whispered against my ear, my body shivering from the gentleness. “what will happen to you two if you don't tell him? i don't want that to happen to you..i don't wanna see you hurt..”

did i hear that right? his voice was trembling, and i knew, i _knew_ , that soobin was about to cry. i adjusted my position as i sobbed, hearing soobin"s soft sniffles.

“i-it's you, soobinie-ah,” i whispered back, gripping his sweater, “it's you. i've never realized it until me and jiyeon broke up..you stayed by my side, you never left me and you kept visiting my room when you know that i'm hurting inside. i-i'm scared, because i might hurt you, a-and for the fact that i'll forever ruin us..”

i broke down in his arms, gripping him tighter. i repeated the words “i'm sorry, binnie” as i continually apologize.

he never let go of me.

he pulled away slightly and cupped my cheeks, wiping away the tears on them. he breathes softly, and stared into my eyes.

“hyung..y-you loved me all this time?” he whispered. i nodded. “all this time, binnie..”

he smiled and leans his forehead against mine, his warm breath nearly reaching my lips, “hyungie, why would i leave you?”

i got his message. i let out choked sobs and i held him close to me, our breaths mixing. it almost felt like our souls were soaring high with euphoria.

“b-binnie..binnie..my soobinnie..” i whispered, being an absolute crying mess. he giggles slightly.

“yeonjunie hyung..” he whispers. i caught his eyes flickering to my lips and back at me.

my hands reached up to his and i gripped them. my eyes flickered to his lips, then back to his eyes full of tears. i let myself admire his beauty, the way his eyes shined, the way his lips curled up into a soft smile, or the way his voice lets out beautiful sounds of music. i'm in love, aren't i?

i smiled and nodded, letting him do it. we closed our eyes and our lips met.

it was full of warmth and sweetness. it reminds me of the sweet cotton candy i used to buy for him when we were trainees. the kiss was slow, gentle, and slightly inexperienced. we didn't care. he just melted into each other's touch.

i pulled away first, and we opened our eyes. i wiped away his tears and i smiled.

“so..what does that make of us, _my starheart?_ ” he asked, the pet name making my heart thump and my cheeks heat up.

_he claimed me as the star of his heart._

“it depends on you, _sunheart,_ ” i answered, and he giggles. our hands intertwined once more, and i felt the familiar warmth of choi soobin coming back to me. he smiles and pulls me close, and we cuddled with the cold air of 3:00 am, watching the stars.

”hm..are we boyfriends or something?” he asked yet again, looking at me. i looked at him and i smiled softly.

“we could be. if you want to, of course. i won't stop you.”

he giggles and nuzzles his nose on my neck and i laughed softly, feeling ticklish, “of course i want to!” he said, laughing along.

that night, we laid in bed together in his room, cuddled underneath a blanket and we kissed again, and again, and again before we felt tired and sleepy.

“soobinie?” i called out softly as i breathe. he hums in response.

“goodnight, sunheart.”

i could see him smile underneath the darkness of the blanket.

“goodnight, starheart.”  
  
  
  
  


♡ fin. 


End file.
